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Creative Diversions
You Know You're an Engineer If - All of Them
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You found it. Our complete list of "You Know You're an Engineer If..." one-liners. Do you have one you'd like to add? Submit it here and if we like it, we'll post it - we may even send you something.
You catch yourself saying NANOO NANOO DUDE
You know exactly how many steps there are in a set of stairs you take on a daily basis
You're never wrong and can back it up with facts
You've never had hooked on phonics
You brainstorm before you go to sleep on how to develop an all-hydraulic driven vehicle
You have a left sock and right sock
You can picture the location of an element on the periodical chart
You're driving in a small town in Germany and don't get lost
You tried to take the fetal monitor apart in between contractions
The only holster you own is for your favorite calculator, but can't decide which one that is
You still have your original Erector Set in its little red metal suitcase (even if some parts are missing)
You can confuse the salesperson at any consumer electronics superstore
You have already added an electric motor to your exercise bike
Prior to buying your girlfriend an engagement ring, you confirm the correct ring size by secretly measuring one of her other rings, with a set of calipers
While working on a home improvement project, you try explaining to your friend that he won't wear out his miter saw blades as fast, if he slows down the feedrate, thus decreasing his chip load, and improving tool life
You know that there are 10 kinds of people, those who know binary and those who don't
You tell jokes that are met with stares unless the audience has had classes in multivariate calculus and particle physics
Your wife adds "...and give me the short version" to the end of any question about how something works
Someone says "T & A" and you think "temperature and area"
That 4 year degree was the best 6 years of your life
You use Net Meetings to have a family get together
You have as many pocket protectors for your shirt as you have neckties
You didn’t know Spam was originally a food product
You ask if you can blog someone after the first date
You are the first person to camp out for Star Trek convention tickets
You dream in CAD
You have solutions for problems that nobody has...yet
You like repairing things more than actually using them
Your kid’s new toys are more inspiration to you than to them
When time is moving much too fast for you, but you still count it by the nanosecond
Your main currencies are Meter, Second, Ampere, Kilogram and Kelvin rather than Dollars or Yen
You introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife"
Your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
You want an 8X CDROM for Christmas
Dilbert is your hero
You can name 6 Star Trek episodes
The only jokes you receive are through e-mail
Your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50
Your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
You use a CAD package and a windtunnel to design and test your son's Pine Wood Derby car
You have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string
You window shop at Radio Shack
Your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies
You have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area
You carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run
You are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment
You don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is
You have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven
You own "Official Star Trek" anything
Tou have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside
You and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception
You ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project
You are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor
You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts
You have never backed-up your hard drive
You are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud
You truly believe aliens are living among us
You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
You have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is"
You see a good design and still have to change it
The salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
You still own a slide rule and you know how to work it
The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind
You own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don't remember where they are
You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires
You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal
You have more toys than your kids
You need a checklist to turn on the TV
You have introduced your kids by the wrong name
You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
Your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight
The microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it
You can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
You have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already
You have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for
Your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal
You know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screwdriver to use
You can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting
People groan at the party when you pick out the music
You can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week
You did the sound system for your senior prom
Your checkbook always balances
Your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone
You have more friends on the Internet than in real life
You thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers
You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep
You spend more on your home computer than your car
You know what http stands for
You have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage
Your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory
Your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate
You and your son built a tv from scratch just for fun
You're mad because this list didn't end on a round number
When at a BBQ you argue about the heat cooking energy to cook one 5 pound tenderloin vs. 5 one pound steaks
You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines
You order pizza over the Internet and pay for it with your home banking software
All your sentences begin with "what if"
Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma
Everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering at the scenery and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room
On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than someone else who is reading a John Grisham novel
The blinking 12:00 on someone's VCR draws you like a tractor beam to fix it
When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on the salesperson talking with customers, you butt in to correct him, and spend the next twenty minutes answering the customers' questions while the salesperson stands silently by, nodding his head
You are always late to meetings
You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling
You are still drinking Mr. Pibb
You are at a wine tasting and you find yourself paying more attention to the cork screws than the '84 Chardonnay
You bought your wife a new CD Rom for her birthday
You can name at least 6 Star Trek episodes
You can quote the scenes from any Monty Python movie.
You can't fit any more colored pens in your pocket
You disdain people who use low baud rates
You do Darth Vader or Battlestar Galactica impersonations by talking into a spinning fan
You drive a Gremlin with a "Beam me up Scotty" bumper sticker
You ever forgot to get a haircut... for 6 months
You find yourself at the airport on your vacation studying the baggage handling equipment
You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards to see how they do the special effects
You have ever debated who was a better captain: Kirk or Picard
You have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you have been married
You just don't have the heart to throw away the 100-in-1 electronics kit you got for your ninth birthday
You know how to take the cover off your computer and what size screwdriver to use
You know the altitude limits for turning on and off electronic equipment on commercial flights
You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
You remember half a dozen passwords and your ten-digit Compuserve address, but you have to call your niece "kiddo"
You rooted for HAL
You talk about the high resolution and picture-in-picture capability of your big screen TV while everybody is watching the Superbowl
You talk about trellis code modulation at parties
You think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory
You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends" but forget to send your father a birthday card
You think Sales and Marketing are Satan's children
You think your computer looks better without the cover
You thought the contraption ET used to phone home was stupid
You walk around with your hands in your front pockets 99% of the time
You wear black socks with white tennis shoes (or vice versa)
You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon
Your dress clothes come from Sears
Your favorite actor is R2D2
Your favorite character on Gilligan's Island was "The Professor"
Your favorite James Bond character is "Q," the guy who makes the gadgets
Your favorite place in San Francisco is the Exploratorium
Your favorite TV show is "New Yankee Workshop"
Your girlfriend says the way you dress is no reflection on her
Your idea of a "good read" is the Edmund Scientific catalog
Your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
Your Internet bill is higher than your long distance charges
Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea what you do at work
Your wardrobe looks like you shop at Goodwill
Your wife thinks your taste in ties is bizarre
You consider yourself well dressed if your socks match
You wear a moustache or beard for "efficiency"
You have a non-technical vocabulary of 800 words
You know the second law of thermodynamics but not your shirt size
Someone tells you its a nice day, and you respond with "it's 70 degrees Fahrenheit, 25 degrees Celsius, and 298 degrees Kelvin"
You know the ABCs of Infrared from A to B
You make 4 sets of drawings (with seven revisions) before making a bird bath
Politically correct people call you "organizationally challenged"
> Add your own to our list.
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